Dear Craft Show Patrons,
This Mamorial Day weekend you strolled past the fountain, through the big square at Lincoln Center and heard beautiful violin music. You were drawn out of curiosity to approach my table. This is where you and I (the salesperson) have a problem. I expect you, the paying customer, to ask a few polite [...]
Archive for May, 2007
Dear Craft Show Patrons,
This rant by Lily S. has been wildly popular, so I recorded a video about it last night.
I tried a blue screen on my iMovie by getting a plug-in. If anybody has any better blue screen plug-ins, let me know.
More to come with better effects and (much) better quality. Submit your own video responses on [...]
SmallClutching, not a fan of modesty
Roland Emmerich was the only man that could have directed ‘Independence Day’, likewise only Kubric could have made ‘Clockwork Orange’ and Sellers was the only man capable of pulling off ‘Dr. Strangelove’.
But if they made a movie about my cock, there would be only one team of professionals worthy of [...]
Tyrantasaurus, is on to you
It’s been a while, ironically, since anything has gotten my blood boiling like what happened today. In my non-Rantasaurus time I work at a restaurant, I work in the kitchen and I answer the phone. It’s great. However, I have to deal with telemarketers who call small businesses. I’ve been on [...]
Blogs are great. Obviously. Look around at this one and you’ll see a treasure-trove of brilliance pouring out of the mouths of everyday (albeit, cranky) citizens. You brave warriors enter the fray because you are called to do so, and in expunging your internal strife you improve not only your own situation, [...]
I’ll keep this short, just like your member. I haven’t had an orgasm c/o you in months and I’m about to give up. My magic bullet isn’t doing it for me anymore. Everything else is nice, but I’m not interested in nice.
I’m interested in hot sex and, the way things are going with you, I’m [...]
I’ve tried to ignore this problem but in the last few weeks it’s become so odious, I don’t know what to do. You’ve been with me for, what, a year and a half now?
In that year and a half, I’ve done everything for you. I’ve given you free rent, free food, I’ve even… and [...]
Kimmie D, as shocked as the rest of us
First off, I don’t really mind what I do. I’m a dog groomer. I mind, however, what pet owners make me do, over and over and over again. I am asked to give the most hideous, invasive haircuts to dogs, things humans would absolutely freak out about.
Sam, deja vu at the movies
You know what I hate?
Excessive sequels. The following are some of the major sequels coming out this year alone: Spiderman 3, Shrek 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Harry Potter 5, Fantastic Four 2, 28 Weeks Later (2nd), Ocean’s 13 (3rd), Evan Almighty (2nd), The Bourne Ultimatum (3rd), Hostel 2, [...]
Tiffany, pleased to serve you some whoop-ass
I am a weather woman. I am to know the weather: how much it’s going to rain/sleet/snow, etc. I am to know the temperature at any given moment, and I am to know if it’s going to warm up or cool down. I am also to know the average [...]
This Memorial Day, while other Iraq war vets are remembering their tours and celebrating the commitments they made to their country and the pride of serving, I’m kicking my heels up.
This is the third time this year that I’ve been celebrated, and frankly, I’m sick of the 24-hour party on my behalf.
February was African [...]
This week we had a couple firsts and it was awesome. We had our biggest day of traffic, our first time on the Top Blogs list and our first comment-fight-but-not-really-because-both-people-are-extra-nice-and-
I’ll be back updating on Monday morning. I’m not going anywhere, I’m just turning this machine off and stepping outside or something else fancy. I’m [...]
Sam, gramatically insolent
I need to vent my strong distaste for something:
When people use the term “vaca” instead of “vacation”. It’s one more goddamn syllable. My ass cheeks clench every time I hear someone say it.
Rantasaurus Says: Actually, completely true story, I know a man who says “prosciutt” when referring to the Italian ham instead of [...]
In honor of Memorial Day Weekend, we have a few rants submitted on the subject of holidays and vacations. Enjoy!
Dear 9 to 5 Shmucks,
Memorial Day Weekend is the worst time on Earth, other than Labor Day Weekend, 4th of July, Christmas, New Year’s, Easter and whenever else the office lemmings possibly get time off from [...]
Someone just landed on RantasaurusRex.com by Googling:
“steel reserve nightmares”
Now, that has to be the most twisted thing I’ve ever heard!
For those of you fortunate enough never to have tasted the bitter urine that is a 40 oz of Steel Reserve, the 11% alcohol malt liquor… consider yourself lucky.
Apparently, it either gives you nightmares after you [...]