Eugene Y, rich, gullible and bitter about it
Oysters. I don’t get it. First of all, science has already proven, above and beyond, that oysters are not an aphrodisiac. They don’t biologically make you horny, they just make women juice because they cost a lot of money. Same thing about champagne and chocolate covered strawberries.
I could buy a tank of gas and take myself for a nice drive around for the price of a champagne/strawberry/oyster thing, but no.
I have to show up at some broad’s house with this shit, probably shuck the oysters myself, chill the champagne to within a degree of the accepted standard, make sure the strawberries haven’t melted all over my hands, draw a bath (at my brilliant suggestion, of course), whisper sweet nothings and THEN we finally go to dinner. It’s not even the sex now, it’s the dinner.
There, I pay, of course, and just as we’re pulling up to her place where we’ll finally seal the deal and I’ve got money hemorrhaging out of my wallet and stupid oysters on my breath, then she’ll tell me that she has an early meeting tomorrow or, worse yet, she’s falling down drunk.
Wow. I was going to write about how stupid oysters are, but instead it’s women who are stupid. That’s right, I said it. I don’t have to romance my hand to the tune of $200 to get a nice piece, if you know what I mean.
Rantasaurus Says: Eugene, you’ve been doing it all wrong. First, you buy some “sleeping pills,” then you buy them a can of PBR to dump them in and the rest takes care of itself. That’s like, what? A five dollar date?
[...] Oysters, Strawberries and Champagne: A Manâs W… [...]
Those are really people’s worst enemy when we talk about health and weight.My best friend now are pure hoodia pills which play the role of champagne and strawberries.
I’m sorry to say that you are totally overdoing it. That fact that you believe that all this BS is necessary in order to impress a woman is merely a misconception on your part. Haven’t you ever heard of the saying “A for effort” or “it’s the thought that counts?” Well I believe that those are words to live by. Let a girl know that you care about her having a good time when you take her out. That will impress her much more than how much money you spend or how fancy the restaurant is. The fact of the matter is, that women are NOT stupid. In fact, it is men that are the idiots in the situation. If you paid the slightest bit of attention to what we say maybe you wouldn’t be so clueless as to what it is we want.
P.S. If a woman does care about how much you spend then she is obviously not worth it.
P.P.S. You are obviously not worth it because…what was it? Oh, that’s right. You just want “a nice piece.” You might as well take that $200 and buy yourself a hooker.