Tyrantasaurus, in need of fresh air
There are two things I need to get off my chest about my 24 Hour Fitness yoga class.
First, this is to the subsitute that teaches there sometimes: YOGA IS NOT FOR CLAPPING! When people are trying to relax and listen to the crazy music and strain, we don’t need someone walking around, clapping, saying: “Push! (clap clap clap) C’mon guys, you can do it! Just go deeper! (clap clap clap)”
Second, I would like to relate a story that happened to me yesterday. We were in child’s pose, which is where you sit with your legs under you and lean all the way forward so your forehead touches the floor. It’s a relaxing stretch.
Well, the woman next to me, while we’re doing this, is so relaxed that she heaves a great, big sigh. That sounds about right, so I take a deep breath… only to realize…
It wasn’t a sigh! It was a nearly-silent and absolutely putrid fart! Right in my mouth! It was the grossest thing in the world!
The whole room stunk for the next three minutes and I just wanted to hunt her down. The culprit? An 80 year-old woman wearing a pink ringer tee with a picture of a motorcycle that, in red gliter, said “Cruisin’ for Love.”
I think she’s got enough to worry about without my fury, but please… can we avoid eating a can of beans before coming to yoga class and sitting your stinky ass right next to my head?
Rantasaurus Says: Did she have a Harley Davidson tattoo on her ass? ‘Cuz that sounds an awful lot like Nana.
The same for me in HapKiDo class. Every class, we go through out stretching exercises, and there is this one girl in the class, a larger girl, that like clockwork, will engage in chemical warfare every time she has to touch her toes. Sometimes, the brapppp will come out, followed by giggling by the younger members (okay, me too), and sometimes, it’s the sigh you hear….
But always fragrant like perfume.
And by fragrant I mean putrid.
And by perfume, I mean roadkill in the middle of summer in Arizona.
That’s what you get for hanging out with lentil eating hippies!
Man, that’s killer. How do these people live with themselves? If that happened in my yoga class she’s be ostracized, treated like a leper and eventually banished to Australia where there are larger open spaces for her to live out the rest of her days alone with her bodily movements.
Yoga is about building inner character and strength just as much as physical strength and flexibility. When I first started practicing yoga, I was shocked when an elderly woman passed gas right in front of me in down dog, but with the extremes of yoga postures and the human body working the way it does, it is only natural. If you take yoga on a regular basis, you hear gas being passed all over the place. I’m sure it was just as embarrassing for the “farter” as it was smelly and disgusting for you. It will do your soul some good. Try to develop some tolerance and empathy for your fellow man. Maybe this person had Crohn’s disease or irritable bowel syndrome and was there trying to combat stress to help her condition. You never know.