We Are Rantasaurus Rex, Hear Us Roar

Blogs are great. Obviously. Look around at this one and you’ll see a treasure-trove of brilliance pouring out of the mouths of everyday (albeit, cranky) citizens. You brave warriors enter the fray because you are called to do so, and in expunging your internal strife you improve not only your own situation, but the whole of society.

However.

There are other bloggers, more sinister and less informed bloggers trolling the e-Universe. And what do they choose to do with their on-line freedom? They choose to be, for lack of a better word, Haters. Haters with a capital ‘H.’ These lost souls are not devoted to sharing themselves with the on-line community through hilarious, gut-busting rants. Oh no. These myopic fools swoop into cyberspace with one goal in mind: Ruin other people’s days. Think of these lost souls as e-Meter Maids, patrolling the internet to make sure that nobody is having a good time for too long. Here are just two examples of e-Haters that make my blood boil.

Example 1:
The On-Line Critic Critic

These bastions of cultural importance descend upon on-line movie, music, TV, and restaurant reviews with one purpose, and that is to talk useless smack. Never do they offer facts to back-up their opinion, rather they rail against whoever was naieve enough to believe that they had their right to express a personal opinion. Let’s look at a banal example, shall we?

BJamesB007: “In my opinion Casino Royale is the best James Bond movie to come out in years. The action was amazing, the story wasn’t as stupid as the last few movies, and the new Bonds rocks. You guys should totally see this movie, I really think you’ll like it.”

e-Hater Response: “BJamesB, you must be joking. Either that or you’re too stupid to know what a REAL James Bond movie is. This pathetic excuse for a movie should be exploded in outer space, and you should be there with it, dying. How can you like this movie? You have to be an idiot, this movie sux ass. You suck too, idiot.”

A very engaging dialogue, no?

Example 2:
The Political Shit-Disturber

Here, an often uniformed e-Hater will inject their unvarnished opinion into an otherwise rational conversation. These people need not be exclusively ‘Republican’ or ‘Democrat.’ In fact, they likely have no concept of what either party represents. All they know is that everything they believe is right, and if you happen to disagree, you must be brain dead. I’ll offer 2 examples, covering either end of the political spectrum. My point is that neither political ideology holds sway over e-stupidity, there is more than enough to go around.

ObamaIn08: I am very excited with the possibility of a forward-looking black president. The promise of bold new ideas and national optimism could really change the political climate and help the American people reclaim their inherent power.

e-Hater Response: Barak Obama bin Laden is a gay surrender monkey. If you want to get blowed up by terrorist vote for him. Might as well vote for Osama, he hates America just as much. Stupid idiots who want to lose and hate our troops. Go home, stupid idiot.

or

RedState08: I’m hoping Rudy Giuliani is the Republican candidate. He’s strong against terrorism, is socially moderate, and can clean up the country like he cleaned up New York City. He’d make a great president, with a lot of strong ideas. He’d get my vote:

e-Hater Response: George W. Bush is a retarded idiot. Our country will be dead in a year thanks to him. If you were a real American you’d vote for the Democrat, no matter who it is. You’re just as stupid as George W., and you’re personally responsible for the death of our country. Go party with the other retards, you piece of crap.

Again, very reasoned and rational, right? These are exactly the kind of informed responses we are looking for when we post here at Rantasarus, right? Sheesh.

Can’t we all just sing a song? I think we could, we could band together to lift our voices up and give strength to the power of individuals to be strong and share their opinions, right or wrong, in an impassioned and rational way. But most likely an on-line e-Hater would be listening to this shared song of the masses and inform us ever so smugly that that we rushed through the 3rd phrase, and even though we got millions of people to sing together in harmony- we were slightly off-key.