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Archive for June, 2007

Manticore, hardcore soft-drinker 
Once upon a time you could purchase a bottle of your favorite soft drink, look under the cap, and realize that YOU’RE A WINNER. With the occasional disappointment of a PLEASE PLAY AGAIN you had fairly good odds of at least winning a new soda, or maybe even a discount towards a [...]

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A Clueless Co-Worker

Illay, is too busy to come out and play 
Why does the fresh-out-of-college girl working in our department insist on having conversations that include the most miniscule of details?
I, for one, do not need to hear verbatim conversations involving your ex-boyfriend’s brothers tuxedo for your friends wedding (!) or the detailed process you went through this [...]

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DarkPizza, maven of MySpace
Make sure to read to the bottom. I’m in a ranty mood.
————————————
“YOU WILL BE CURSED FOR UR NEXT 5 BIRTHDAYS! IF U DONT REPOST
JAN.- i`M A GANGSTA!!!!
FEB.- i AM A FUCKIN CUTIE
MAR.- iM A LOVER!!!!
APR.-iM SO FUCKABLE
MAY- I GIVE THE BEST SEX!!`
JUN.- I JUST WANNNA FUCK!!!
JUL.- SHUT UP & FUCK ME =)
AUG.- [...]

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Not So Happily Ever After

Jack, rudely awakened by Cosmopolitan

Just last week we sat in the pub with friends, drinking trendy beer with bit of lemon in the neck of the bottle. Everything seemed so rosy in the garden, she, my so called wife was gushing on about our marriage and how chuffed she was that our relationship thrives because [...]

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Another Crush Gone Wrong

Vampire Faust, watchin’ the player get played
In high school, I thought I was doomed to live a life of celibacy. My “friends”, however, were throwing poon at every boy that came sniffing around. They’d already lost their virginities by Junior year. The sad part was that I had to explain what a [...]

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R. Rhemus Reefer, offering to help S and CC
Is there someone making your life a living hell? No longer will you have to take it! Even if you grew up as the school yard pussy your day has come! That’s right folks, you’ll be singing “Oh Happy Day” when you can finally get back at [...]

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Howdy folks. Here’s a small personal rant:
Why’s my mailbox so lonely? Why aren’t rants flowing in bountiful like before? Do you guys think these rants just grow on trees? Like there are freakin’ rant trees lining the sidewalks around my house? I can just go out in my bathrobe every morning and harvest some rants? [...]

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Dear C,
Seriously dude, do you not have the balls to just tell me you don’t want to see me any more? I know the relationship was casual, but c’mon, would a little courtesy have put you out that much, say maybe picking up the phone and letting a gal know the whole thing is [...]

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Creative Freakin’ Genius-a-saurus, on to your resume fluffing
It’s a sad fact. We’re in the midst of a crisis known as an “employees market”. Everyone is hurting for staff. Unfortunately, this atmosphere of desperation has bred a new generation of people who basically expect the world on a platter, only to complain about [...]

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Joe Drinker, hanging like meat in a bucher shop 
Way back when I was in High School, my church youth group went on a “missions” trip to Jamaica. Some missions marketing genius finally figured out that if you want people to pony up a ton of their own money to fly around the world with you [...]

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Thank you, thank you, thank you to all those who entered. You may still see your rants up here as the week progresses. Wahoo!
The next Rantsplosion that ends on Monday, July 2nd, has the theme of: Bastard Neighbors.
You know you’ve got some. We’ve got one that warms up his motorcycle in the driveway for hours. [...]

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Dear DS,
Could you please give this unrequited stalking thing a rest?
Informing one of our (in)subordinates that I was acting like a slut while taking orders from Dr. X was beyond the pale. I’m lost at how reporting a fall and verifying new insulin dosages was slutty, but you were there, so I guess you can [...]

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BetheBoy, not an equal opportunity dater
Have you ever been put in the awkward position of being asked out by someone you wouldn’t consider dating?
When I was about 20 I was working at a job that was affiliated with an employment skills training program for mentally challenged young adults between 18-24. After completing thier training they [...]

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This week we’ve got a fabulous winner and a ginormously funny runner up.
The runner up is “Writin The Short Bus to the Movies” by BetheBoy.
The winner is “To: Doc Stalker, Re: My ‘Slutty’ Phone Conduct” by a woman who prefers to remain annonymous.
Both are coming right up!

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Everyone has had a crush in their lifetime that hasn’t panned out like they’ve wanted.
Mine, for the entire Internet, was a boy named Robbie Burmeister in the 2nd grade. I ran up to him at recess one time and kissed him right smack on the mouth. Instead of inviting me to his castle to be [...]

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