We Are Rantasaurus Rex, Hear Us Roar

Creative Freakin’ Genius-a-saurus, on to your resume fluffing

It’s a sad fact. We’re in the midst of a crisis known as an “employees market”. Everyone is hurting for staff. Unfortunately, this atmosphere of desperation has bred a new generation of people who basically expect the world on a platter, only to complain about the platter.

The worst part is that Managers are getting lazier and lazier. Why fire a warm body when you can just turn a blind eye to their antics (or lack thereof)? Then you’d be forced to get off your ass and actually screen applicants for the job.

There’s a reason that you give a new employee 3 months probation. So that if they are incompetant, unskilled, unqualified, lacking in personal hygine, not capable of showing up on time, don’t comprehend that they have 60 minutes for lunch and not 90, don’t understand why asking for a week off 3 days after being hired may not be appropriate, feel that their job title is a license to load up on office supplies, don’t see a problem having a second job and doing it on company time – you can get rid of them, no questions asked. That’s the beauty of PROBATION.

There’s a reason why you should call a meeting with the people who work directly with the new hiree about 2.5 months into the relationship. Find out what the newbee has been up to over the last 10 weeks and how others percieve their work ethic, how they’re fitting in with the other employees, how well they’re doing the job, if they’re showing up on time, if they have allowed their bodily odors to slip. If there’s a serious issue, you still have 2 weeks to fire their ass and find someone else to replace them. This will show the good employees that you not only give a shit about the calibre of people working for you but that you also value those who do a good job.

People lie on their resumes. ALL THE TIME. Please stop acting suprised when (a couple months into the gig) the newbee has decided to behave in accordance to their true colors. Please stop kidding yourself by thinking that the behavior is temporary or that they are just hitting a rough spot or that, in time, they will improve.

The longer you keep their sorry ass in the building, the harder it’s going to be to get rid of them. The longer they stay, the more likely you are to lose good employees who are just sick and tired of dealing with someone who is a complete waste of time and space. Good employees have a hard time sitting next to slackers who make about the same salary yet have a gift for doing the bare minimum and being conveniently unavailable when there’s extra work to be done.

You hired them. You have the power to fire them. Please feel free to do so at any time.

Rantasaurus Says: When I’m out applying for jobs, I don’t even need a resume. People tell me I’ve got “a commanding presence” or whatever that means. Usually I take it with a grain of salt because they’re wailing in fear at the time.