R. Rhemus Reefer, offering to help S and CC
Is there someone making your life a living hell? No longer will you have to take it! Even if you grew up as the school yard pussy your day has come! That’s right folks, you’ll be singing “Oh Happy Day” when you can finally get back at those losers who have taunted and bullied you since the 2nd grade!
Ghost Writer Inc. is proud to announce our new line of Personal Threats.
Is your husband still screwing the slut from next door? Is your wife still banging that rich asshole from the office? Do your co-workers still smirk when you arrive in your big American ride with the V-8? Does your boss, mother-in-law, or pain in the ass co-worker need an adjustment of the personal kind?
Threaten them! They are guaranteed to shit right in their pants when you unleash the fury of a Ghost Writer Personal Threat.
They will piss in their shorts with panic! They’ll cry tears of dread and terror! They’ll be hobbled with horror! Their doom will do double duty! They’ll be frigid with fright! Never again will they know a moment of peace as they look over their miserable shoulders, never knowing how or when you will strike! Night after sleepless night the “Menace of You” will haunt their very dreams! They will crawl at your feet and beg for your kindness but your sympathy has gone the way of the dodo bird. It’s extinct! Their intestines will turn to jelly and they’ll make the projectile vomit scene from The Exorcist look like child’s play! Their doom will be real!
Let the Ghost you trust the most customize a threat to fit your personal needs. Blood will run cold all over the neighborhood when your friends and family realize you are now in charge. And just in case one of your intended scumbags is “vision impaired” or they can’t read, Ghost Writer Inc. can now offer you a fearsome Audio Threat on 8-Track, cassette, or CD! Your worries are over when you make a selection from Ghosty’s “Graveyard Gallery” “Cemetery of Fun,” “Tomb of Doom,” and “Cold Cocked Co-workers” collections.
You’ll be able to terrorize even the heartiest soul. But wait because there’s more! Along with your paid order at the regular price, you’ll receive a complimentary “Letter to Satan” to announce their arrival in Hell! That’s a $30.00 value! Even if you decide not to carry out your “Day of Dread” keep the Letter to Satan as your free gift!
