Dear Drug Dealer Downstairs,
Could you put some kind of embargo on our building? I would feel much safer if you told your clients to stear clear of my humble abode. Feel free to tell them my dog is rabid, or I am an officer of the law, or that we kidnap homeless people and perform experiments in the name of science. Any such a lie will suffice.
I understand you have to make ends meet, and you seem to do well for yourself. Many times I have marveled at your brand new SUV and nice ties. Maybe you do not have any other marketable skills. Maybe you enjoy what you do, and that truly is a wonderful feeling.
But I would be heartbroken to come home and find my brand new HDTV missing, while the homeless man on the corner is passed out while wearing an abnormally large smile.
So please, let them know that my apartment is off limits. I would appreciate it.
Sam, Upstairs
