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Archive for August, 2007

Mark B., dreading your fourth meal
My worst restaurant experience is everyday. I work at Taco Bell. I hate people, because it seems that nowadays, no one has any common sense. I mean come on, how hard is it to pronounce guacamole? Or to read the giant glowing neon menu in front of you instead of [...]

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Dear Cube-Neighbor,
Get some Beano! Do you think no one can hear you farting as you walk into your cube?! It’s gross!!
Love,
Grossed-Out

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Isabeau,  a PhD. candidate in Punishment
10) She’s one of those touchy-feeling types who gets her twat out of whack if you don’t greet her properly and enthusiastically each morning like a little puppy. (Note: This is impossible after dragging my ass in after drinking all night)
9) Her lunch is exactly the same, every day: cup [...]

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Dear Sienna,
Every time you come up to me 10 minutes before our allotted smoke break to ask me if I am going outside, my skin crawls. Of course I am going to smoke, I’m a smoker. Why do you need to make sure of that every stupid break?
Oh, I know! It’s because you [...]

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Amy M., free ride no more
The next time your regular ride leaves you hanging and you call me for a ride to work, you are going to be shit out of luck.
I don’t care if you don’t have the sick time or vacation days to cover the absence, or if you are on your final [...]

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Stephanie, not an Oprah fan, I’d take it

Was it really necessary to cry for three days when I shaved my head at age 17? Did you have to be all dramatic when every I expressed a teeny, tiny individual impulse? Well, screw that I guess. I learned how to hide my freak flag. [...]

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Joe Bauer, spelling “eyeronic”
I’m sick and tyred of posts on the intirnet filld with mispellings!
Can’t you lasy people get it right? Do you realize how much of my presious time I lose stumbling over your mronic misques? How did any of you ever make it through sofomore english!
The poor educations and ignorance [...]

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Don’t forget to submit your most awful, embarrassing and hilarious school memories and woes. Our Rantsplosion contest ends in 10 days and the theme is: school woes
Head over to our Submitasaurus page to make it happen!

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Amy, spider warrior
IRXVII: a spider demon tried to kill me last night
IRXVII : THREE TIMES
IRXVII: first, i was at my desk on the computer
IRXVII: all depressed
IRXVII: and the bastard tried to latch onto my arm
IRXVII: to suck the life out of me
IRXVII: good thing my chair has wheels, [...]

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We’ve gotten some good search engine results lately. Things someone typed to get here:
“a blowjob in las vegas airport”
“hate letters to a cheating wife”
“what are hookers listed as under the phone book”
“pills to make you horny for women”
Dear searcher for horny, pilled-up women… on the same day, we got several searches for “will Lunesta make [...]

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Dear over-privileged student,
I understand that your internet connection in the FREE housing you’ve been provided is not operating correctly at the moment. Trust me, our IT department has been working on it. In fact, they were already working on the problem when you called me. They were still over there when you [...]

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Dear Lonely Psycho Patient,
I know it’s a lot to ask, but could you please stop stalking me?
I’m a professional. I understand it’s common for patients to form crushes on nurses they see on a regular basis, but seriously, dude, it’s not a date.
Gently rebuffing you hasn’t helped, so here are some tips:

Just because I’m [...]

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Don’t forget our monthly Rantsplosion contest! The theme for August, just in time for back to school is: school memories.
Head on over to the Submitasaurus page and submit away!

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To my supposed friend of the last 15+ years,
Just a little note to let you know, sweetpea. You….are….so….BUSTED! I don’t just mean “caught”, I mean BUSTED with a capital B. You might just as well have broadcast the last two years of your twisted existence on the Jumbotron at Wembley because in [...]

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Our August Rantsplosion is going on all month. Submit your regular rants but make sure to think of any extras with the theme: school
Dig back into your childhood for those gems and send them to us on the Submitasaurus page!

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