Isabeau, a PhD. candidate in Punishment
10) She’s one of those touchy-feeling types who gets her twat out of whack if you don’t greet her properly and enthusiastically each morning like a little puppy. (Note: This is impossible after dragging my ass in after drinking all night)
9) Her lunch is exactly the same, every day: cup of fat-free strawberry yogurt, container of calcium-enriched orange juice and a small bag of Pretzels.
If she doesn’t have written, step-by-step instructions, she is completely unable to use her computer, digital camera, fork, etc. Worse, she expects me to write these instructions for her.
7) She wears elastic waist pants.
6) She consistently mispronounces the word “October” as “Ogdober.”
5) The hand lotion she uses smells like a nursing home.
4) Anxiety is her middle name. Her knob is always set to “Freak Out.” Luckily, I keep my phaser set to “Stun.”
3) One glass of wine gets her completely sauced.
2) She has a crew cut, and she is not a lesbian.
1) She should NOT be my boss. I am pursuing a Ph.D. — she is pursuing her head up her butt.
Rantasaurus Says: Now, I don’t exactly see exactly why strawberry yogurt is offensive. My lunch of rotting, smelly carrion? I can see that being offensive, but pretzels?
I feel for you a lil bit.
It’s kind of like when my entire family goes on and on about my miraculous computer abilities – cos I can use Limewire. OOOOH
Does she have a boss? Can you somehow steal her job? Film her being useless and anonymously mail it in?
I hate people who expect employees to be “enthusiastic” every freaking second of the day.
I don’t work in the circus, so why would I have to be F-ing enthusiastic all the time?
I don’t know about them, but I don’t find runny noses that exciting. I do my freaking job, so why not just leave me alone?
Ogdober.
Inexcusable.
How is it that new managers anymore seem to have little or no qualifications for their job? Our new supervisor, who is over the entire division, has absolutely no experience in the field, and was handed the position while others with actual work experience within the group were passed over.
Sadly, she’s ten times better than the clown we had before.
Good list.